RICIN FOR LETHE.

meek then.

2011-08-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

this for the one who was once lost
known now as born to find god.
forgetting to hate, and capsized hating only inside.
pain to look for
is as life fades beneath the waves
waiting incomparable.
how enlightening it is a plus
drenched in but hammered as goodness and satiety;
searching how it tastes of a woman's sweat,
even redeeming for anything like a masked smile
i thought of once to look up to.
and the fatherless
and motherless servitude blames it an eternal mile.

yet i feel more human grinning,
i am afraid that place serves you more
being afraid.
i can still look down at that presence therein

that was never there before in the first place anyway.
and then finally
just maybe
you can blame your jesus
and the neighborhood drunk satan.

gaming unlawful carnal knowledge.

2011-07-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

the failure of reality,
objective is always to me.

and now i can't talk
so much of nothing
useless is meaning.
writing whilst time abides
and suddenly awaits to my side
thinking too much becoming me and from behind.
the grasp you can't hear for the music you miss
waiting for no slave,
cleansing bitter to taste and where am I?

come back to me;
my dreams are not dreams
yet always was you belong living my serenity.
working my way to sleep
and time abides
and suddenly awaits i can never be comforted
in a failure in reality.

lethargy.

2011-06-07T22:04:00.000-07:00

the black sleep.
it awaits on to excruciate living pus from that is loving,
blistering fingers grasping my face in vigor.
i dont even flinch, it is welcoming.
caressing automation and a sense of disbelief
minding nor my arms or legs.
heeding blitz and hours of halftone gray
sought in sewn eyes attempting to open,

somewhere i am enthralled to the sound of rainfall in the pale cold.

dreamless.
the hellbound heart whims inside to listen and detune;
slowly to be laced to the ledge of life going under butterfly knives.
swallow for yourself,
it is always the first time, and the only time.
and this is it.
losing it all to this, there is not much to be said.
the emptiness is filled with emptiness,
so rare, hemorrhaging for days cant even stop.
i think i should be afraid, and i think i cant think foremost
for all there is
is what have always been waiting patiently in the black sleep.

no hymns and no woes.
this death is the birth, half of life is half of this worth.
it synchronizes a dance in saffron-colored water,
in soaring thin and median cumulus red sky
the dashed hopes words cannot utter for it is in too deep.

...suddenly i woke up with a smile on my face.
and i never wanna leave this place.

sap.

2011-03-13T23:33:00.000-07:00

be angry. be optimistic.

he raises his hands high to the almighty to once he kneeled his father's woes.
devil have you come,
devil bursts out of his eyes, bleeding his pupils bile to rage and stare above.
as strength that can break billions and vows evenly engraved in warheads.
surges in his veins; the purity cleaning the living death and undeath.
he is no longer small
the rumbling sounds unearth it is mother nature's belly
closing in.
so heavy the sound

it pounds with fists incinerating everything to sand and glass
it is made of steel, it even cuts through emptiness bleeding it black.
you have been birthed for this; the tide is high to shatter celestiality.
skin is flayed off of rust to peel like before,
place those stars on your shoulders, on your knees
there is always no more.

they.

2011-02-23T18:30:00.000-08:00

i have hate for the trains. fear of someone to fall in the rails.
only angry that i can call them "they".
i have gotten out of this, a book shelf, learning stoplights and traffic.
the drivers never got to looking at me in the eye when i cross the street.
none the less
unless i get to ride next to them, a passenger
and we chat about

what do you think

we reach
the end of the road i depart saying
"that's life"

"who cares?" at least i know we're talking to be walking;
i have hate for the unknowing
i might be right

ante.

2011-02-15T23:52:00.000-08:00

eyes burn and i need sleep,
haunting of pasts can come to you 'til again we meet.
try to not be afraid
the excess holds me in a grip,
the music resonates away cold fingers and sweaty palms.
i tell myself that
least i know it does get to somewhere..something.

i think of us talking and are you there.
rate and i talk from a thousand to negativity,
my mind is racked in a pillory.
guess
i am under the bend with water in my ears.
always willing walking home alone
occupied with only myself.
it takes me a lot work and i spend a lot of time
all in due to the means, to the ends
i can hear her, a sweet woman laughing,
saying

it's gonna be a alright.

never bother.

2010-11-21T03:48:00.000-08:00

sometimes
thinking is a waste of time.

that's why i am writing this.

evade for the last
you may close your eyes
for the last time,
but nothing less of where pain so real comes from

may you never be hurt by anything

or anyone.

(this one is for arcee cruz, rest in peace my friend)

cathartic.

2010-10-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

today i cant think of anything yet.
moments have passed to feel something else.
likening to be an astronaut but not until
to stop because
i have weight yet
i have my hands, my feet, my eyes and my balls.
i figured i can sleep with no dreams;
and time is the only true space in this lifetime.

like the long road home
you drive maybe unlit and putrid
when there is no such thing but look up
you had no choice,

today many friends lost their jobs, grampa died and my aunt lost her leg..

i am painting
and wanting to be left alone cause i can only listen

(picture by sam kiyoumarsi)

The Bozanians. A Novel by Gani Simpliciano (Based on the characters of Chōdenji Machine Voltes V by Saburo Yatsude)

2010-10-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

Chapter One: John

John sits in his dark laboratory brooding. the computer lights his desk dimly. cigarette smoke, boxes of chinese food, piles of paper; all cluttered as like john's mind reminiscing of what could have been. it wasn't necessarily his experiment of studying leidenfrost's phenomena. it was just that moment of reflection, where is he in in this place in life.
its has been a turbulent year since the unified nations government declared its wistful thinking making Bozania an earth colony.
john stares at the news on the television screen beside his monitor. the newscaster reports of massive riots from liberal parties in rallies protesting the U.N.
Southeast Asia has always seen its share of dead-end activism.
Yet it all seems uttered baby-jabber to john. it wasn't his doctorate thesis that led to his cold foresight of what the world will be. but merely on his experience as a prodigal teenager, piloting a frigate that assembles with other combat ships transforming into a giant robot... saving the world.
Dr. John Armstrong smirks thinking his heyday. perhaps out of boredom, or out of insight, or out of regression... whatever. long gone are the days to save the world. these are the days that the irony sets in the world needing to save itself from itself.
john stands up and walks across the room. he glances outside the window. the news reel tells the weather forecast. john recognizes its been a while since he heard the word "sunny" or "cloudy". he thinks too much to acknowledge any more of the little things. even to call his brothers to say hello.
"they're both always busy", john quips to his android friend moving next to him.
"Pardon Dr. Armstrong?" the android replies.
"Nevermind Octo-1000..." John demystifies himself. " How is the test doing?, did the vapor insulate in it's approximate time?"
"Negative, Doctor. Roughly .0057 off the mark"
"Thank you, please continue with the proceeding tests using molten lead".
"Affirmative, Dr.Armstrong."

John cups his chin contemplating his math. he pauses yet again. his rapid thoughts flash far too much emotions to calculate anything.
he ponders and sits back his chair. He couldnt get it off his head, what he read on his email this morning. The Earth defense force has stopped funding the Voltes Five Project.
John sighs to his disappointment, he has to call somebody soon.

simulation.

2010-09-30T20:26:00.000-07:00

been here again, doing it seems a dream
in the sound of rainfall on my roof, writing to be relieved.
the stings of excess cannot be calm
(your sock still on. itches your foot later. what the hell)
she comes and goes, thinking and not thinking
to know
laid down beneath where can we go
together i meant it but she thought it was untrue
together apart whether never to be me or you. (echoes)
been here again, doing it seems a dream,
thinking and not thinking
what happens on the road always comes home.
i have to wake up early,
too many things to do; how comforting so alone again
my lens dry my eyes up,
if i was a time traveller i'd be taking a vacation in the past.

but it is so real she will soon forget.

anathema prologue.

2010-09-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

austin osman spare once said,
"art can contradict science".

a moment you can feel forever.

a lifetime of mere seconds can mean a whole existence.

what is linear can be a cycle or interval.

don't you get that?

a song that moves you, you wanna play it loud and clear,
for everyone to hear.
a rush of life feeling too much dying inside,
i wanna go skydiving with flip-flops.
living in the world isn't so beautiful,
but then again sometimes
looking at a whole view of concrete you paved
makes your eyes so much more than using it to see,

don't mind no wounds
no scars,
thinking is already perfect.

i would want to die making love to my woman.

a story of a cleaner.

2010-09-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

what seems as flesh is formed from the decaying rot.
the mildew smoldering from a shower curtain
drenches an insect carcass.
blood and semen tangles in a mix spilt from a wine glass
and a used condom.

the faucet half-closed, with water tinkling
as if it was this room sweating in damp cold.
the floor is stained from dried piss, oil
and used lavender-scented fabric softener.

what is this house?. why are we looking through mold-ridden mirrors?
i never get to ask these questions..
i do get to see those painted faces on the picture frames;
a modest stamp collection;
the puerto rican series from 1973 even featured che guevarra.

even a private collection of dvd special editions like
"gone with the wind" or "excess baggage"..

what a waste of time.

this place smells of thai food and sweat,
like methamphetamine-laced sex from days ago...
this isn't a lobby for the timid
as flood comes in from the pouring rain outside.
the bedroom is always a place where the action is found.

kitchen knives. yes. scissors. with bits of dried human tissue.
a fireplace poker.. wow, to think we're in the tropics.
and yes,
the finishing toll.
a hammer.

a hammer-smashed face used to be an inspirational thought for death metal bands.
but now that i've seen about 22 of these,
i just cover it up with a black garbage bag.

i open the fridge.
the stale and foul smell doesnt mind me
as it reminds me of memories
of bullies from my old high school.
can you say i had it good though i was given black-eyes,
i called them my friends.
they stink
like this..

i grasp an tight-lidded liter full of formalin.
and take my time;
with bathroom tiles, i always use a toothbrush.
wish i was as more sharp stoned doing this.
yesterday i just filled a bucket full of gunk scraped from
a woman's lacerated throat.
i dont mind some of that corpse's bile hatched in my gloves..
its just so revolting to see she had no eyeballs,
just those sockets where ice picks from god knows who latched it in.

so here i am picking up this and that.
i bought in two mr.muscle cleaners, a windex and some lighter fluid.
my client didn't even speculate to clean specs of gunpowder and parafin
in that stupid persian carpet.
it doesnt even bother me my nails are still smudged from
undisgested food picking up this little kid's guts on the bathroom floor;
and it smells like gelatin.

what bothers me is that stupid persian carpet.
i might just dowse it in the sun, right next to the clothesline,
get it wet with detergent and let it dry uneasy,
so it'll just stink sour.

its a dirty job, and someone will do it.
especially when 50 grand is involved,
hell i could love it for all i care.

50 grand..enough for a lifetime not be haunted of dreams like this.

recurring.

2010-07-19T23:45:00.000-07:00

listening to (sleep)
why must i be haunted?
having enough booze to dose away all of somalia's worry
time is always leaving to ease.
you know i went to church last week
because i was chased down by a pack of dogs.
what am i thinking?..

it's me i see, sitting in this stone chair whistling sabbath.
cigarette in one hand, your noise kept from my job on the other

i know this nightmare
because i saw your face.
not a whimper or smile,
not enough blood gushing or bile,
not even close..
just the familiar.
the everyday that a person won't write a movie about

what can you say
even with enough dreaming
that this could all be true, really happening.
always to want you in memory
having not to be, but only miscontrue what is truly mine,
in my mind. in my mind..

lets get fucked up on opiates

one

more

time

...

its almost time christine.

2010-05-20T02:24:00.000-07:00

its almost time christine

wasn't much on her name to mean
anything.
not to somebody or anybody.
this kind of brooding, makes it all the more
none the less to feel like an ant
in this cruel world.
in this sleepless world.

...and she is so beautiful

waiting.. in the airport.
leaving to a place, far away to a better rot.
fingers itch the AC left too damp, too cold.
but away from the humid heat.
blowing her nose to a kleenex.
her composure is anything but raw.
no tears left,
just silent cries what else to be done.

trying not to think of going back to work
for money, a better life.
disappearing inside her
she looks outside the glass window,
like how she could look outside the bus
staring
at the sides of the highway.

her heart breaks
for it is left to another,
trying to forget the other
and another..
and another..
her wish was still filled caring for him

its not her fault.

always

she hurts to feel,
she lost that part of her somewhere.
.. a long time ago.
perhaps most people are better off strangers
like her.

just this one time, not running away
in a slight return and never to come back.
she holds her knives invisibly,
feeling once again
there in those depths of hers
she likes the hiding..

always

for no one can ever know
and no one will ever find

that carcass in the reservoir.

open hailing frequency.

2010-04-13T00:39:00.000-07:00

INT. FUNERAL PARLOR
what seems to be a funeral parlor seems like a course enlistment session in a local college.
(there's a long line of people waiting to see the casket).

until finally his turm comes,
he stands on the isle where his friend's corpse lay on the casket.
he looks down.
his eyes express a remote sadness. it has been ten years he has seen that familiar face.
he maintains a light heart.
all this people around him. around his friend. he thinks it was a good life
though he still wished
he had a last round of drinks with his old pal.
he exhales deeply. and wished from his thoughts for the departed.
but not a goodbye.

INT. LATIN AMERICAN RESTAURANT
a cook almost gets stabbed by an intruder in their kitchen.
five to six gang members charge in jumping to a person from the restaurant.
four friends from inside the restaurant then jumps to the gang members.
and a riot ensures.
the gang loses.
the friends... this is their home.

minutes pass and the police ensures precautionary measures.
to an avail the night finds a closure for all parie involved.
the gang affiliate who ensared the fight redeems himself in humility.
though drunk, he begged for mercy.
on his knees he apoplogizes inclusive of his saints to the people from the resraurant.

the friends.. awed upon by the situation.
are satisfied.
they are more alive than before.
approximately two hours before the fight they were struggling not to drink beer
and complain or whine about how fucked up or tawdry their dramatic lives are in its present state.

now they know. god loves them.
now they know... eyes are again open.

.......

now where was i?
i must've woken up somewhere trying too much.
my mouth tastes like i licked the connectors of a nine volt battery.
i do feel better.. i can undo with a control-z.
now somewhere here in the attic,
the place where i should be can be warm. or too cold.
seeing most faces turn up to my nightmares, and its fine.
and hence i cant seem to rant about using a social network like facebook.
hell awaits ive never been so sober,
now it seems i can feel it more if i havent slept enough.
last drink i had gave a parotitis, 3 days later im back to being nice.
hey perhaps could begin again,
whereas i once halted
giving a train-wreck thought visiting my dead friend.
he smiles with her on his breath.

finally played after a rotten millenia or so.
and now we can say, that part is no more,
the part of that music
of the drummer is long been over.
'tis time for his other endeavors.

come to think of it, in memory

when will it be assuring to have that peace of end?,
i think
just be a stranger, a phantom
unpart with that.. like a whatever.

like a time in your life you walk down a curve
trying
not staring at dogshit you might step on.
walking up to some stairs
taking your time, not catch your breath.

i love this day
i'd love to hate it too..
there's yet still to tell you.

once upon a time.

2009-11-27T22:43:00.000-08:00

sometimes
AM radio is the motion picture soundtrack;
sleep never exists;
hate means power;
boredom can be freedom..

nothing more too beautiful
what the newspaper says,
all is full of loving entertainment.
all is well
another time the rich will own the poor,
the weak
will kill the weak.
and now you tend to remain in heartbreak.
so beautiful..

sometimes we cant tell
what we are thinking; old and aged regretting,
this is what we have become so full,
so empty we can laugh at it all
'till the end
it is engraved in marble statues
being prayed upon in a street somewhere.
a place called your cuntry.

ever wonder what they think of us?
not that we would care
for we always lose what's ours.
its funny to see irony,
and its hilarious when you are in it.
all there is is madness,
all will be just plain sadness.
and it is not bitter. its just there.

and now, it is time to binge,
soothe that merlot, churn in an angel san miguel.
savor every sip. hit that bong.
take your sweet milligrams in and heftily,
and take a big whiff from your cigarette.
it is time..
your will you forget,
you pay with no cost,
you claim
what your mind always had lost...

living
trapped and funny.
cotton with knives out.

and happy
with a broken heart.

(it smells like acrylic now.i dont want to think anymore)

home.

2009-09-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

im only in my home.
where each of us thinking its normal to keep sane
getting by being so happy.
can it be for any of words to utter, breath to muster
all for everyday is only thursday.
nightly chilldren,
little do they know the loud music etches us farther only in silence.
the memories come and go, we might never see each other again.
believe it is true there is only this day together in our church.
see, for they haunt and dwell the red light burning in sensation.
watch it all by, its safe inside the air conditioner.
take a sip and let it run dry smoothly on your throat,
the dim lights glare the water dripping on the windshield.
we held him down so righteous we could've still kicked his teeth in;
another story to tell, another corrosive thought
away to feel higher
there exists someone who is lower.
what day is it?
for time is always running so low. so lurid and fast.
the age has come we are all ever so in anger
and wanting it

what the fuck am i talking about?
oh well..

cold feet, kind heart .

2009-07-21T03:00:00.000-07:00

(its 3:19. not a problem at all)
cramming for work
to end steady but quick,
we pull out blood to be thinner.
stated enough for kindred to share
the same girth.
i sniff cocaine from my friend's car key,
least i found to stare at dustballs,
boredom and the lacking ranges often,
cigarette smoke clears my throat
i forgot,
the end here means to mend.

the motels playing but
death metal music playing across my ears.
my wants are still with all my sigils and tattoos.
not without prose now to say
i cant be anywhere,but where i could be
is somewhere spatial and incoming.
my will is to hope, not wither
my dream mixing with piss, gray, blood and semen.

would you believe to long for the ordinary,
a beautiful lysergic might get me there;
enough to think of not thinking
just to pay more penalty
running from each toll.
so bright
from unlight

aren't we all storytellers
covering what was intentionally not there.
"we're not losers at all"
a few seconds to reminisce you could have died crossing a street,
passed by a bus stopping at nothing
full speed ahead.
hell is
not bitching too drunk to say we're right being there.
listless but
so much to say
we throw away like rotting food,
and we cant speak no more..we just cant.
things to hear,
these seconds never last..

can i make it before the 26th?
excite in ill faith what did happen,
four of us will again forge for that something,
to rue, to curb, to grip
to believe.
congratulating a solemn day not even a gun
could take speechlessness.
all at the same time, what have we done.
to jail.a kin died. my love slept with another man.
music is failing. friends falter. it was in nothing.
you see;
i forgot the end here means to end.
and now i understand.
i know what i know, my apologies you read..
you heed..
take my hand will it with me
and together

my fate is mine.

summer.

2009-05-30T12:21:00.000-07:00

the sound of the rain on rooftops at night

my shadow sheds its skin
where have you been through times so thin.
in blithe,
loathesome down inside,
my wretched thoughts come to duel
spirits that surround me
i have waited so long...
a thousand years beside myself to sleep,
how are you loving?
hope starts to awake and wither
maybe we are somewhere invisible,
not enough blame to ponder
not a guttural scream
nor a whisper to hear what was..

without you i am timelessly outside,
to write poetry defining subtle nothings.
freedom is so lucid sometimes
its never having to say you're sorry.
how cruel life means so much it is true.

cant help to ask,
cannot this feel defeated be risen,
the coffin is made, the grave is dug,
the emptiness awaits what could i seek.

and yet,
yet i wonder..
the cold can be here left to keep from being truly alone.
another day wont matter,
next to total darkness the sleep we all yearn
will probably come.
thus for a mere moment you feel alive.
and

the sound of the rain on rooftops at night.
my love it is tomorrow again,

and again we shall fight...

birth.

2009-04-26T09:41:00.000-07:00

peace;
and your peace of mind.
ever think you're paranoid
but you know you're right.
tunes to set in the mood swings
it maybe fine.

savor for each burning sensation,
i am landing into time
where a place sets
no sun,
no strings,
nothing and

nothing seems to get me by.
not a drink of wine
to think maybe you are paranoid
to lose all that love
and you will forever find,
all you can muster

and be

just be mad.
cant think of sadness
just be mad.

however still awake on this tomorrow
no worries to leave behind,
halfway until you let the lights grow dim,
not an ounce to defecate,
you don't even have to floss
or take your shoes off
forgetting those blisters,
forgetting how you fought,,

unforgiving
just forgetting,

are we damned?
and so bitter
now so older.
my friends left all skill to listen,
that to relinquish what i cannot be
as i was always so tired...
as i said it before
just don't tell me
i wasn't here at all.

i have to be mad
losing control made me sure,
it seems like music to soothe the all bleeding.

the music molesting that muse.
time sets me in
godly wrath dwelling

the inhuman rage

shed.

2009-02-17T15:58:00.000-08:00

the shed we wait on
cant kill enough time to pass by.
but this where we await to hold still
closes my eyes,
loves you like love always should.

"..some people never go crazy,
what truly horrible lives they must have" - henry chinaski

year/n.

2008-12-27T11:50:00.000-08:00

you know that moment
you saw someone walking
who might slip?..
who might fall?..

time to leave what else could be here.
maybe i could weep if i try
thinking
crying wont help at all.
at least what is now
i cant ask i am living what i can always recall.

fuck it, i want this
like what is left so torn
shedding,
sinking with my fellows
and again and again
i can be at last be born.
is it always this dim of an afternoon
is this it?
something i loved like before.
maybe she wants me to write about her..
hey
my will is good, the ease might pledge
dont haunt me in my dreams anymore.

i cant ask maybe i am living what i recall,
a year older wont bother me at all.

and then i remembered i might lose faith...
might slip
might fall
...

pretty noose.

2008-12-09T01:19:00.000-08:00

I caught the moon today
Pick it up
And throw it away.
I got the perfect steal
A cleaner love
With a dirty feel.
Fallout and take the bait
Eat the fruit
And kiss the snake goodnight.

Common ruse
dirty face
Pretty noose is pretty hate
And I dont like what you got me hanging from. And I dont like what you got me hanging from. And I dont like what you got me hanging from..

Let your motor race
Pick it up
And get this mother gone.
Out from and far away
The wooden stake
This thing has got me on.

Diamond rope
Silver chain
Pretty noose is pretty pain
And I dont like what you got me hanging from. And I dont like what you got me hanging from. And I dont like what you got me hanging from..

I dont care what you got,
I dont care what you need,
I dont want anything.
And I dont like what you got me hanging from. And I dont like what you got me hanging from. And I dont like what you got me hanging from..

And I dont like what you got me hanging from...

"pretty noose" written by chris cornell. performed by soundgarden.
i miss this band. i love this song.
its just for those depths when you think god is also praying. fuckin' aint it brilliant.

roll.

2008-09-23T10:29:00.000-07:00

missing here.

friends to laugh with
sadness so often you might wish
something else.
thus you feel that work
was never better; loving to think it wasn't
there at all.
leave you all or nothing
there has to be something
better than this.

could you cry like maybe this
here won't be a problem,
then again
losses that you could take
will be born anew half-stepping.
weak to be with complaining.
moments to be with
wouldn't mind
and you be with something else,
someone else
not just here
and of no circumstance
it is just the same as me,
i wish it wasn't like this place.

anymore than a metaphor,
kisses still there
then don't mind me at all.
since i always ask like you would too.
i could probably disappear into thin air,
or crawl into that place inside myself..
there is something better than this.
not alone perhaps maybe we will find it.
moved and be bruised swollen,
maybe the problem wasn't there at all.

the tired soldier and redemption.

2008-08-02T12:03:00.000-07:00

the thoughts still remain and
change can be so far,
so distant.
no fantasies to remind
i can look forward and be not left.
perhaps

the rest i needed evades me once more.
am i bored to be sad,
am i too busy too count steps so few,
let myself lace into what the hilt compels.
my elbow still broken from beating that poor bastard
yet i could still write,
i could probably still paint.. those depths i saw that moment dimly lit
i couldn't grasp for air. but to ounces of effort i know this war.
nothing too callous, i am given that much.
i have my revenge.

that is a blessing.

the blade never lies
i can see it pity and pathetic.
i could a write a song whilst my idols worship me.
have i come so far i let this happen,
can i let go to no avail like it wasn't like a television show,
is this real...
or is this dream
my will.
thinking 'till i get sick of it.
the rest might come easy..
god leave me peace bleeding there's something wrong,
to err is human.
to be human forgiving.. hence i don't mind being born sad at all.

wishing wasn't so well..

i leave myself some sanctuary to feel once more.
nothing and no one,
to tell me and look at the skies for something to hope for.
my love was distant, and time couldn't tell was it wrong,
perhaps i liken it to grief.. and there it will only belong.
and so..

fuck you all.
a lovely angel may wait,
i can sit here tired healing all aches.

(based on my painting "the tired soldier and redemption")

while.

2008-08-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

numb and the silence
so cold it makes you sleep without a dream,
this festivity left me to worry ..
anymore,
off to the sleepless so bitter and arid,
that my mouth tasted like blood and rust,
that is all that is left
and they all went away with..

yet i wont ask for more..and i understand.

a book smashed my index finger;
i think of values,
that the pain does not control you.
like this day you were blinded for the sake of your eyes,
and to black you wished to see..

what is beneath of words
never was once there defied.
how could you fail?
lay
only to listen to music and his muse..

could you fear what is falling down?

once upon a time
the boy to be of beyond belief;
loving more to lilac scents
you always needed..
he is birthed to the abjure,
this to what would dwell of stories so sacred
never foretold..
years to pass and never to grow old.

how you see love
was never submission.
will this
to those who come forth with a dry spell
and a myth longing the want so near and far
cannot ask for more
since everyone is impure.

how you see
the soulless was never what you not fear.
perhaps something
to pertain what is now
the next pill to leave the boy not to see his sin.
once upon a time..it does take a while
thus
let me close my eyes
i know the embrace i could not see.
the dark..
my father not the feeder,
he was very clear..

my eyes, my eyes..
what would i not do
to always see

the forever demise...

explain.

2008-06-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

loving to the torment when i awake
awaiting until the next nightmare
comes to me sweet
knowing i slept
with the far corners of my eyes
even a pretty could not stare
dying
kissed to the lips still warm

surrounded
comforted the feel still has me inside

i want a new mistake
and draw what needs not be explained.

comes to me so sweet

enter.

2008-06-22T04:04:00.000-07:00

its a lousy night to think sadness.
skinned without any good to see what's wrong,
close your eyes and you still see
what you saw with eyes open..

presently here in elsewhere,
for both the subtle and saintly derived,
for all to see, what you can no longer cry.

just waiting to fade.

longing to disappear in that cold inside
to sleep means breathing to unlight
i cannot look into..

hell, might as well take it into stride
only here my rage is inhuman
only here you retire what you could belong to.
always something
i cannot look into..

carmilla.

2008-06-10T08:54:00.000-07:00

on my knees next to my bed,
my window was not left open.
it is midnight..
cold without frost,
damp and molded black.

a phantom, a scarlet repulsion
with a child-like face,
entrenched of the mystic medusa-eyes.
her body is the temple
drifting merrily
wearing robes of reeking wax,
made out of lint,
out of the somatic.
her mind has been to an upheaval to the few,
choosing a brethren even god would fuck.
inbred to the dumbfounded killing

carmilla,
call me to come forth,
my feet are bare slipping
to piss and worms that delight the flayed.
touch me and my throbbing heart,
lay me on my bed of black flowers,
your empire damns the revolting into coy.
eyes pierced with cunning, all glaring,
loving for the trichophagic
selfless for the abjured eunuchs enticed.

i see you naked and beautiful.
your taste is aged like wine..
filling as forgotten rainfall and tears of joy.
my wounds are hampered with semen,
my pox boils are stricken with needles free,
i want to be closer..to your bosom
to the pollen-stench of withered copper,
wanting my fingers etch you dry inside..
wanting..

i want you to come
the pus slowly slithering..
the climax you bite shred away my throat,
raise your fists to the clouds shaded gray,
tasting bland, tasting fever and everlasting.
out hearts as one yawn to a lepper tune.
your vast world void and of carnal..

lusting.

carmilla.
let me mirror these collages,
for me it breathes purity
away from asthma and fled food found from excrement.
as it always leave me of my last sight;
what have we become? whilst your skin next to mine.
like this midnight,
hot without sweat, love-bitten and smothered,
languished within you this pike.
i have you ride me above in missionary,
this is your inquisition..

pure. and undiminished.

(a poem based on the novella "carmilla" by Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu)

news.

2008-05-30T23:56:00.000-07:00

i want to be born
and perhaps shed my skin of mosquito bites,
while on my way home
the binge healed me,
casted a spell to progress.

for a while i can feel its all over,
i'd take an accident
have that driven a person
taste his teething,
his deserved medicine..

a long bath purified me
to senseless wanting,
how i waited to waste time.
i sit, i am the bastard.
and here it goes to blacken all sunshines.
my hands blister
to what holds for pillows as tender substitutes.

how is it i can look back on the road
in this trip home;
nauseous to the timid,
i blame such bleak music..
leaving me aching instrumentally
that
you have no words for me.

i cant listen, and i want to
like i always have.
nothing..i had my arms open
but in awe
the means to turn the lights dim;
once i dreamed for my foe to rot,
my old friend
then i see.. he is me.

i cant believe the water quenches me
and i am failing for seconds it lunges.
time for the lysergik,
that death.. that birth
the emptiness sought me intricately,
i feel you losing me, my god..

i dont need anything
but maybe a bullet hole for my new eyesight.

food.

2008-05-17T09:26:00.000-07:00

there is no light at the end of this tunnel.
you can taste it.
and you're going somewhere..

(sweet).
words always lose
on how you came about
i feel you
where have you been all my life?.
notice this smile..my eyes roll up believing

everlasting.

i heard it is not taken always like this,
taken no matter what is suffered..
higher a little further its immeasurable.
i couldnt care less,
i only care its mine.. and for me.
her lips, her tongue,
softly caressing my neck,
i am where my throne should ever be.

i feel better already.

(bitter).
what we have done for world
we think so much of reasons,
but maybe
we really are just bacterial.
thinking is so stupid.
treading to a magnificent epic celebration,
but your shoe stepped on dog feces.
what a shame
its raining in the park.
its a long way home to be alone.
she is away from me
it stinks.

(salt).
long day today,
exquisitely mine..
my drink gets me
of what is my withstanding.

only would you come into light
since you have this skill;
of looking out the bus window,
you have time to laugh at yourself..

and you can do it. no sweat.
she is with me
and i dont care for whatever.
it comes along like it'll be forever midnight;
what is next
probably what kept you bulletproof.
therefore..
i prefer soup.
i can listen to a heartbeat
a spoonful
and your hands clench.
weathered, maybe withered,
stoicism has a mind of its own.
i hear sounds and they form music.
its good to listen closely.

(sour).
abide your screams inside..
rotting to a birth abjured,
'tis outright touching solitude,
you forgot how you look.
you keep forgetting your own face.

looking down while
walking to continue, a sidewalk with no sides,
looking through eyes, you see it alone.
you are righteous to be selfish
when it is time to make trip,
down a plight of stairs..
could you care less of counting steps,
the depth unbearable losing,
just
being
lost.
having more if it only could be..
because
'tis a sunday without comfort,
any day won't be to read a book.

i havent seen much in living
that this is it.
that
the hairs at the back of your neck stand up,
you would think of
having more if it would be..
please
not only just this.
i don't know..
and its exactly what makes it this.

(umami).
it has been ages,
but it has been like that always.
those smiles remind me...

just.

remind.

does it get any better?.
i cant say much since...
when was it in the first place?.

and so will you, follow what could be fate
that only being here,
friends, family, mystery,
surround us,
worlds come by like
how you left that electric fan turned on..
going to sleep.
dont mind the tv at all
no hangovers in the morning too..

so turn off the lights,
time to not care.
into her womb
she whispers supremacy:
"i'll let you crawl back in.."

it's alright
thinking is so stupid sometimes.

alms.

2008-04-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

walking right beside no one,
placed with everyone being placed.
the free only last so long to binge
this time,
this night.

have you guessed of relapse you age.
being broke, broken..
one is the other to blame
have you heard of something clear..
the fullest yet to come closer,
a glutton, a starved, only in the bounded foreseeing
lying behind a glass window
begging not to beg.

fingers discolored from smoking cigarettes
alms she is armless.
it is tuned to a morning, a mourning
you awake forgetting
what time you slept,
what time
is it..

drained, the exhaustion coincides.
just maybe you would lose yourself
perhaps not to sorrow,
not to talk much,
think of failing to be hurt.
the mobility to disrupt
a blood-lined hate
someone should pray,
it wouldn't be the same.
death would be friendly; so gruel,
so needing to be clenched
i can taste it so near.

it comes to me that i might rest.
not yet.
never wanting,
my pulse is racing
in tempo to a flat tire at 29 km/h.

moon.

2008-04-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

soul.

with each i would think,
my arms would repeat this feed
only you..

it is only you
i would dwell emotion, my disarray
as it is of any.
where are you?
and
you are always..

the need my friend.

i would always be to serve,
oh what i'd do to you bravely.

mistake.

2008-04-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

drunken as my love,
wreath of your sins going to behold
needing
the breath so divine.

how are things i ask to this waste so divine,
and all i can think of what is blithe,
where have you been all my life,
kill to what is of you feel you behold
here in this;
sordid a place would you ask of home,
a bringer of such
the need is you take so broken.
only to partake the schedule
it is already taken.

wait.
the next is what maybe mistaken....

cringe.

2008-03-26T09:27:00.000-07:00

outside
the sunrise stares behind grasping grays,
too early to finish
sounds of drum rolls pitched to a certain treble,
how it is
the day starts with lighting a cigarette.

here,
this room is filled with unfinished thoughts.
it awakens another of what is well wishing for,
squalor in demands
pity to deserve such and all you can draw..
wasting comes to the few delirious,
bereaved
in lucid repetitions.

not wanting enough water,
collapsed to a stance
minding the lack for soft and perplexed,
it bides me a pulse.
holding what maybe so dear..
i can taste it like her kiss.
mirth and gloom
looming from my fingers.

time reminds me to cringe
for the next drink perhaps,
and the next taking..

half-rainbow.

2008-03-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

(smoke)

waking up in the morning
this sitting reeks of gutter
awaiting mourning,
these times yearning hard lines
hover patiently defying

sad, so sad.
im hearing music
and i am fuckin' stuck here,
living it full
routine is therapy.
getting by to move without traction.

where is this place?
im heading out missing home.
...
but that scent,
i remember that skin.
far away, here so near
frozen in high feeling the heat.
what reminds me next wont matter

hover patiently defying
a sunset and a blistered half-rainbow.
i am biding this sitting
awaiting smoke

(smoke..)

beside.

2008-03-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

liege.
guiding me to drive home,.
will you come by so fast?,
so uneven to say hello
and i wont ask
where did you go.

i hold my breathe
cant even tell
did you feel me hold you
so slow...
i would take my time
fiddling
and only with worship
i see you right beside..
you never left me
as with this threshold bruised
you had me all along.

liege.
you get what you want
i wont ask where will we go...

people.

2008-03-12T13:08:00.000-07:00

what am i doing here?
this place,
this scene,
god this story..
i dont know what to do
but i will understand
for i have
been here before.

closure,
resolutions..
some items meant to be warnings,
signs meant to be misleading..
perhaps
time itself meant reason,
pass it in like smoke breathed
each season.

give me some time.
time not to think,
time not to comprehend.
but i have prepared..
and i have planned
more than it takes
to be this man,
give as what it needs
to be surpassing
the hard
or easy way..
all that is sum,
that is highly irregardless.

i know im here.
i know
i will withstand.
cannot this kingdom of mercy to lose
to say goodbye
enough to be
at rest..

because
you haven't seen nothing yet

create. cremate.

2008-02-27T07:34:00.000-08:00

my eyes rue me
of my sight dreaming victory,

...must see the end

time to feel
lighted for your righteous kill.
shed away your skin
unload your bones brittle,
desire as your back breaks in half.

everyone is to be pointed at
blamed and made to bleed,
made to redeem..
thoughts
and as it is the world ends
your hands finally clench
tasting of blood

enemy blood.

soul or souless,
beneath what remains of eternally scarred
like i see it later
as maggot-ridden,
deserving a thousand incisions.
deserving to slowly.. slowly decay.

bewildered
finding home left for you
this is what you leave.
gone it will stay gone.
and
if you look long enough
all you can see..

all you must see..

all you will see..

(never ready,
my eyes rue me.)

at all.

2007-11-12T12:06:00.000-08:00

tired of likeness.
the days
here bewildered,
try and save your mind.
dont take your eyes off this,
amidst halls of white
shadows form to say hello
paintings that wont sell..

here grab a drink of this
talking means safety in this party.
rather than killing what we must
or then again i'd probably agree
i didnt see that coming
but lets fast forward
to what happens next..
i should forget its a monday

these birthdays are just
our loving minds so still
im tired of likeness,
trying so hard
damp and drenches
the rain doesnt mind me at all.

yaman ang mahal.

2007-10-22T12:27:00.000-07:00

mayaman ka naman,
ang yaman sa sarap
kasi nandito lahat..

konti lang nabubulok
masarap
basta't hindi
karanasang mataehan

hindi alikabok
at lahat malayo
sa iyong tulugan
apakan ang ipis
kahit walang tsinelas
basta't lahat
malayo

mayaman ka naman
na hindi nabubulag
mapagkamalan
puting echas ng butiki
ay butil ng kanin

magsama,
magsawa,
wala akong ayaw
pero ayoko ng wala

yaman ang mahal
mukha naman
may kakayanan,
basta't lahat
malayo
may bubong
at nandito lahat..

after migraine.

2007-10-22T12:18:00.000-07:00

thinking.
i missed the violence on TV
nausea stemming
forgot i hated the dogs barking
whilst half-asleep
ready to stay up
thinking.
the city is hers
until i laugh at satire
until then i learned to look down
on all
and everyone
the dreaming is now
the dream has ended
dying and shrewn

i cant recall
guess
ill stop here
leave it on a high note
thinking.
a happy ending
or once upon a time...

missed.

2007-10-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

do you see?
when you close your eyes
take your place in timeless clocks.
take my hand in dim lights,
guiltless..and no one will blame
for dwelling is a shame.
with little devils sitting beside his throne,
souless of souls
prescence in anxiety
welcome
like my brother
like my sister,.

composed and aged,
welcome
your saviour in sleep,
tell of your stories,
bled to cavity ,
pregnant to righteousness,
all with open arms.

where were you in madness?
i last heard doom
were you delirious..
for here come join me,
my fingernails biten to bits
the hunger
is next to scar the coupled
and the substancial.

composed and aged,
embraced to its last warmth
your saviour in sleep,
tell of your tales while gagged,
bled to cavity..
there is no escaping here

and there is no escape,
and there was no escaping at all...

remember.

2007-09-08T13:39:00.000-07:00

what a night, what a night..
each of these frames dropped
withered and humbled,
sleeping a nap,
the dream is here
and we are awake..
hey but dont forget the beer
i wouldnt want to be dowsed unearthly.

doesnt even begin to faint.
outside the car window,
surpassing television
the streets at night so hungry
dwelling to dried eyes
smoke-belched it gives me a shoulder
the beautiful rot
as you grow older..
i must've lost something
it was
close to what could be
what i was thinking

this day was long better
most wont be here anymore.
as with now
never minding the rain
the mud on my shoes
the dogpiss of a warm beer
it might be of something else
this heavy metal is
like down on her
listening to myself wanted.
clenching fists to feel the need
bloodlet
moving to a limit of harm.
like tasting used guitar strings,
split as my hands
lather the sweat i played
last night.
did you see i was somewhere
i travelled and walked a distance afar,
the police didnt mind
sure wish you were there.
a couple of cigarettes later,
it'll be a story or even a movie to tell,
ageless and bronzed like a rodin

yes,
yes the life forsaken and blessed
not of faces faked towards interesting
only nurturing
and only decaying

now...
where was i?

welcome.

2007-09-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

home.

where was home?
streaming water
down beside
consciousness
laying unending
kissed by
cutting.

days went by
time cannot be
of what matters.

i might be next
to your love lost
never
but with us
as friends
long unseen
how as life deprived
with this pact
lined with blood
semen
lint
toxic
and old skin shed..

welcome
only
tasting for one and all
down
low beyond
below..
here lying
trapped
with vanes flapping
and breaths scented of rust.

there is no exit,
heads forth
devouring
in cold
never to withold.
i see
and i am forgiven..

seas.

2007-08-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

ever falling

blithely
but
could not ask
but be by my side.
my arms reach
you never cry

skin so warm
talking about death
static and indefinite
i found out
no one was sleeping
be placed in a cell
someday was perhaps
where would never be questioned
harm
was a distance
lighted when eyes close
to absolution

contemplate how
noticing
you have been loved
and
it is only me.
but
mercy..
oh so mercy
how it is to pertain
be it never you in pity

pray still you see
the darkness
holds so deep
he never wakes
calm and so ever waiting
he is me.
frost-fingered
into underground seas

surrounded by patients.

2007-08-19T10:44:00.000-07:00

and thus,
mine, yours
..and ours
none of words can be
for you

do take care,
concern is not partition

for you
are always one of us.

i understand
and thus you and i
are the ultimate of listeners.

you
who are amongst the few
and of only
who are just,
for now
right here.

not of wants
not of needs
not of commons
all and of the rest..

and that is why
only why.

kindly.

2007-08-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

bleak
as was the candlelight
has shun upon you

the stench.
and
now where worlds have
only to describe like dejavu

what will you be
when
you wake up
limbless yet
wanting to have sex

moving
and closing,
could we fly away

we are two of a kind.

not seeing what was wanted to see
only to confide in its residue

stillness so forgetful
you'd regress to a phenomena
it can only be named
that
you missed it so much

time to time.
you didnt even know
what you were talking about

and all i could think
was how did i do this

calm.

2007-08-04T07:48:00.000-07:00

month's end,
anything more to ask

how long will it last

hate to time things

only you never wanted to understand.

live here,
just to breathe for now
so i know..
that depths dont mean hell

for that is all i have.

soft.

2007-07-14T22:09:00.000-07:00

bulletholes puta
and of slithering drip,
behind your mouth.
below
tasting like copper

finessed
march your ailing anthem,
while sweating sweet lime

witness
dried leaves with venereal stench.
slumber
needing named existence
found loaded of prostate cancer.
high at gunpoint
beneath mashed cockroach guts.

a shadow welcomed hollow,
a limbo nonetheless,
here
the punches formed his face.
ricin smeared
and fingered through ice,
nailcutter abortions
pertain plentiful demise.
lover of all souls
must you come back,
this night
all demons are mine.

i am eye.

2007-07-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

dine beneath your repulsion
not withstanding..

reeking of your own sins,
scratching til it bleeds
away what is already severed
and wash your face with,
so dowsed
so still

was there anything else you retched,
was there only my 500/600 sight,
you decide.
loathing
all the more possible
will you know what its like
and will you not tell me god forbid

i ask what is not quiet
all i want is heavy
be it toothless or radiant

the need with my fingers;
play your bass
see you dancing in delight,
barefoot in spikes..
unnerving

not witholding

this time i am eye,
not withstanding.

much.

2007-07-01T01:02:00.000-07:00

heartfelt.
all will you
comprehend,
and cant complain
staying here
down to your hands
nervous
too much..

something grows,
smell
was that sulfur?
was that nosebleed?
am i not stoic.
take a big whiff
you cant see it,
what is of a hundred virgins
rounds of life
of party
my fingernails
aren't even dirty
and yet..

i wonder
did i lose somewhere
did i win being weary
all must i think..
the end,
rain fell today,
never sewn like tears,
not as what pain would make
you think.
like this
my knuckles ached
the enemy tasted his own teeth
and i crown myself a prince

i can bury.
i can withstand.
i have it neck deep.
i have it in my bones.

linear.

2007-06-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

waking up
feeling like an ant
strut to work,
amongst a long line
the cityscapes
the city scrapes..
with sunken cheeks
sleepless eyes,
tired next to sleep,
standing
on a train
going far from home..
the destination is long.

ingest a stimulant
hence your eyelids torn
wide open
does not
the airconditioner make you quiver,
a false breeze makes you alter
god
guts
the cool make goosebumps,
and your belly churns loudly;
time for lunch.
feel maybe
then you can scream.
what a day will it be
to see that grin fade away,
its never a good morning;
long it is
ever to say goodbye
to this..
the phone rings
again i hear it like its air.

everywhere its blank,
the habit here is ethereal,
a house for us to pave honey..
at least it pays well;
time and tide
staring through flourescent lights,
sitting here in this chair,
at least i'm not sweating,
though no one's arms
to fall into
at least.. at least..
i know i'll save it the burden,
next drink should be earlier friday..

outside
looking up,
you look bitter,
all those clouds
are dustballs
blocking sundried oilskin.
the cityscapes
the city scrapes..
with sunken cheeks
sleepless eyes,
tired next to sleep,
5:00 pm rush
the road is like my bloodstream,
standing
on a train
far from home..

the destination is very long.
and staring at that billboard
does
remind
you were away..
and i cant be alone without you

reward.

2007-06-11T05:04:00.000-07:00

sunrise was
the night willed never over
are you hungry
i have thirsted
hungry you tear me back,
cant sleep without seeing you move
cannot be finished
til you tell me never.

when your soul is so pure
is it
preying,
as lascivious,
this what we should do.
do not
despair if it is
lie

both deliquesced
i dont want to miss what i see
your face.
i will not
not listen to the beat,
you try to muster singing

this

i would
lose control of lessons,
take a nap as it was birthed with me..
i must be doing something good

having

it felt like it too,
try and not sleep the night away with it.
rather not waste whatever.

mean.

2007-06-08T15:26:00.000-07:00

have you read
right to left?
moved by the sight,
music
sung so atuned,
that no one
is looking right back at you.

listen

be it that,
feeling slight.
it is heavy.
and you forgot
are you sleeping
or still occupied

calm and deep.
your answer is yours only,
shall you keep?
share the air
count some luck,
have you to forget.

or
did you
just discard
your mind
be
so free,
so alive
meaning is for beauty...

this isn't it

so happy.

of.

2007-06-06T16:51:00.000-07:00

cannot this be
without the next
depressant.
help me reach
bloodletting the skies
what for so long
defied
i see the acid colors shine.

these cigarettes
occupy what is between us,
might hours pass
fires my bed unlike
waking next to no one,
and this be my chance;
to fight,
to fuck,
to lose love,
to beautify,
to breathe,
at it again..
i know you were with me.
now lay beside us wicked,
bleached like bathroom tiles
what could possibly be?
you then whispered in my ear
i listened,
but with you so close to me,
i vow it be perfect..
be of submission,
no one can, not ever but me.

the need wants me
and holding you serenely,
keeps me silent..
i won't budge
won't leave you woes.
these pills never too much.
lights out,
oh the dark compels;
an embrace
even feathered pillows
wouldnt compare comfort..

lapsi.

2007-05-29T03:20:00.000-07:00

stop the night
out of dire need.
strive for
moments mustn't pass.
i heard stolen woes
what beautiful ladies
condemned to weep impure,
must i do
with my skin swelling,
rain like sulfur
falling foretells
could i look anymore.
would i feel some more.

act like you never had love,
your stomach won't lather
what you wish would bother.
the meantime derives
only never sure,
wish
i could only sleep forever.
beer.
valiums.
ketamine.
stillnox.
else
numb.
please
ease thinking..
there's more out there,

but then not this..
not me;
you must not miss..
you must burn your eyes of dry tears,
shed your wants of toiletry
retch the bitter seemed sweet.

leave only,
and never stop..
tell me why
because i wont ask,
then take it away,
there was nothing else anyway.

only god to me
is this vile of her cum,
my brothers blade
beside my bed,
i swear i'll listen..
only when i do dream.

weakened.
by the scent i cant wash off my fist,
then slowly but surely..
the bleeding made my flesh,
the wine tasted
like
kisses i longed for.

only god to me
is my father's gun
right beside me..
bullets like bloodsemen
made for chances.
warn me my friend,
it is searing again..
to much to be rare,
to bleak to be aware.

i cant sleep.

leave only,
and never stop..
tell me why
i wont ask,
then take it away...
there was nothing else anyway.

nervous when she comes around.

2007-05-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

are there no more pictures?
all i saw was our friends,
when it is raining now,
my night is your night.
would you call for this dance?
i can see it would be our last,
...
for god's sake
it wasn't like that.
talk to me
i haven't never ever felt so much.

i was thinking you
would never think it be music.
you killed me
your scent
derives of longing flowers to bloom.
it left me innuendos
made from proportions
a liar would tell
only what is true,
shit! i would gladly subdue.

and all i want is you
grasping beyond this burden,
no one in this room would defy
i would taste your tongue
just once more i could die.

you saw me with this beer forsaken,
i understand;
i wasn't anywhere
but i dreamt and woke up
it wasnt a dream..
yet the best goodbye
is you weren't there
at all...

and just maybe
again
i would lose myself,
ingest what would be
what my total worth is.
leave me be left alone
see you standing
never and only mine,
you have what is only your own,
i thought i had time.

i would want to take what is left.
for as long it is the cure
for no one can can save us,
we are both deaf.

i really did want to see you my love,
and where would this be without you..

rendered
and do i thank you...

last call.

2007-05-02T08:01:00.000-07:00

this house you have
filled the void
not even time could.
welcome to this place
memories from many lives
i can chainsmoke
here
i can drink my intestines off
i love
what you missed.

on your lap
weary
i slept a thousand years.
i made love
with no gravity..
have i died and lived
all at once
that medicine is my friend
still..
like on other
i even pissed on your virgin mary,
that seeing you born
i can see you finally;
for i can never leave you
but can be drunk for you.

the many faces you have
all resemble
portraits found and lost.

this place
was like no other.
moments those i bled
not only in gravure,
not in what is scathed,
only that i can say truly
you have been so lovely
in that evening gown.

my arms around you,
you made your sweat taste
eloquently
like brandy,
like happy,
like weed,
angels and devils encore
like a mango grove

the night has grown old,
last call.

blatant.

2007-04-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

eyes
with thoughts too loud to think.
try to sleep
too sad to be scared..
knifed in my wrist
to wake me up,
maybe then
sleep would be much better.
boredom be a blessing;
cant blame but be liquid.

are you so used to see me breathless?
too numb to be tired
and too tired to be used to this.
nothing.
not even illness.

all i want is what i cant..
run away to forget not forgive
neither of both though we can

just these thoughts too loud to think.

place.

2007-04-11T22:43:00.000-07:00

rest easy here
praise be you have this drink.
nothing really matters
this is not to accept belief.

here we can be mad at god.
this is where
no liars
no worries or sorries
thanks, nobody can steal too.
we are all
nurturing worms
in the end

hence we dream until
we're rested in a bed
with white sheets,
inside a movie theatre
watching our lives
on 35mm

wet we come
in this place;
be a guest
where everyone is hosting,
paying
the priceless cost.

(originally written as "finish" 02/10)

red.

2007-02-23T12:19:00.000-08:00

wine and more wine.
that is what should be of my end.
and of time can only tell
brings forth divineity,
and i see i might be dying somewhere
i hope that it be outside.
i never thought i'd be
whats else what might be going
in and outside of you.
but thats ok
because then ill think of god.
ill try
and i wont be the same,
i would'nt want to go
thinking you would care.

no, i wont be the same
like a crooked hand
cant play bass.

stoned age.

2007-02-10T05:57:00.000-08:00

tandaan ang ayaw kalimutan
kalimutan ang ayaw tandaan.

luwalhati pag kasama
dalamhati pag wala na
kalahati ng buhay nya
ang palasyo

bulagta sa damuhan
tunganga sa kawalan
namamangha, minamasdan
ang palasyo

ang gamot para sa sakit
ang sagot kung ba't may bakit
inaabot nya ang langit
ang palasyo

naaagnas ang panahon
sa palabas nakatuon
katumbas ng libong taon
ang palasyo

malulungkot magagalit
ang bangungot mauulit
kapag limot na ng bait
ang palasyo

pagkatapos ng pagtaas
kapag ubos na ang oras
di na halos mababakas
ang palasyo

written by dong abay

angel with black wings.

2007-01-08T17:54:00.000-08:00

muse
of all my wants and hungers

silence screams a lonely song
serenades from sun to moon and sky
her face i dream
and i will never die..

i will never die.

ligtas.

2007-01-08T17:48:00.000-08:00

san ka pupunta?
kapag ang karanasan
ay natuklasan hindi na magutom,
sa isang kaliwa
at pangalawang kanan.

sulatin mo
para sa kanya
na akin na lamang,
kapag iyong makikita
na hindi tayo nagiwanan.

ang matitira
karangalan
at toma..
sayo 'to hanggang buto!
kasi ito
apoy at tubig
pinapangligo.

hindi nagsasabi ng paalam
kundi
nagsasabi lamang.

(to all my friends who left the philippines)

fathom.

2007-01-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

last drink
i remember once
i got paid for the mishap,
so where would i be for you?
my lonely friend,
i could've written something
to be less abstract,
like my mind incised
anything else
would be just gas.

will i be so lost
i forgot if i was
with or without you;
two depressants later,
all i might have had was dances,
all i had was grieving fortitude.
i could churn with a cough lavished
biting my lip
or say
chew off the wine glass
which redeems me.

my lilith i prayed
i be unborn still in your womb.
i understand why i'd be eyeless,
my head down
thinking maybe i'd forget
that somewhere you be safe.
as i
never got to let you go.

and for this i fathom,
somewhere
i can buy more time
until my last drink
just maybe
i wouldnt be so comforted..
so still
i'd think of words
only so for the just

hangover.

2006-12-22T08:28:00.000-08:00

old dog
you were left by your master
remember once
i was told to be
earning as such righteousness;
though pain
is grasping firm
smooth as a woman's skin,
it leaves a hangover
so full
to attain peace.

my joy,
you lay there
you tell me
be the light so timid
i would think of only mourning,
i would have it warm
and embracing.
ill use it as my cloak,
walk distances,
drink to the last sip,
none would care,
it leaves a hangover
so full
it never matters i am alone.

eyes half open
tears rinse this distress,
it awaits the dramatic
and too sentimental,
seeing the dust,
seeing the past..
ill have more of what could be
then ill come back,
left with a hangover
so full
its named after you:

the need
to taste a bullet.
lips and thighs
pierced by her eyes...

habit.

2006-11-07T12:59:00.000-08:00

finally..

just when you think
you had a grasp to hold on
sipping on the sewn curing pus
of what was..

dance in for the drama

unholy resolution
holding her lust
feels so obscure

close your eyes to obscenity
temporarily for the impure

where have we left
all laced to stare at the pests,
mildew lightens to black light
i am left choked asking for silence.

vinum sabbathi.

2006-10-09T12:03:00.000-07:00

Extracted essence of the stone
Narcotic of the faceless ones
I awake on planet black
Freezing moon, no turning back

Now I'm a slave to the black drug
Forced to serve this black god
I thought myself a master of the arts
This dimension of misery is my penance

Forbidden sorcery
Vinum Sabbathi
Forbidden sorcery
Vinum Sabbathi
Forbidden sorcery
Vinum Sabbathi
Forbidden sorcery
Vinum Sabbathi
Forbidden sorcery
Vinum Sabbathi
Forbidden sorcery
Vinum Sabbathi
Forbidden sorcery
Vinum Sabbathi

written by electric wizard
from the album "dopethrone"

lone.

2006-10-09T11:24:00.001-07:00

1 vision & vise.

one horned god said:
"one horn."
another came and said:
"two horns.."
the next horned god said:
"crown of horns......"

"still alive?.."

2 lovely & gone

this is
the highest of high
i am saved

my eyes looks so happy..

i am not alive without you

you replace no one.
you can never be replaced.

3 lying & down

here i feel away from my own kind
dim..and almost too dark
even for the short-sighted.
drowning is not dying

succumbing is all nurturing
for you will prey

it is so cold
no matter how strong your nerves are..
NEGATION

4 listen & still

alone
she fell down some stairs...

the sound resonates to where i look,
with rats living above the ceiling walls.
too much to think,
when there's having to bite
more than you can chew

how fancy sitting down
meditatively,
watching mildew smouldering
in this
quiet darkness.

too.

2006-10-04T10:20:00.000-07:00

had a dream
cleansing through extinction.

images:
a limbless man getting head;
just another to
kill your own.
a butcher,
in agonizing stench
no remorse to a life,
what it is
to feed.

a noble
kneeled down so humble
praising the AK-47.
children stomachs churning
rejoicing
money thrown in the air.

people in barong monkeysuits
they all look tidy
but they all look down happy.

what is unfathomable
i see us musicians
hymn for solitude
so nurturing
distanced from

ourselves.
beautiful
lying on her black wings
pleasing herself
bed ridden to inexistence.
i see her stitches
for charitable chastity.

a grown man
weakened
dining in the toilet seat
festering in still life photography.

damned.
those headlights alter us everywhere
with desaturation
i saw this prostitute
orally fixated
she made love to a revolver.

a priest
his silhoutte backlit against a door,
closely he ponders
reaching for his groin.

the walls painted white
dimly lit
with words drawn
in blood all over

a recipient of substance
how will we pity
empty bottles, unlighted
he stares aside as grief entombs
heartless and bloodless
just smoke
and void.

the television is on
a couch potato family entranced
suppertime brought no less
and i see my national flag
static-wise.

christ's picture
slips down my wall,
it hangs still
on the loose end of the pin.

here is hell.
i wish it be
had a nightmare.

i was awake.

thirst.

2006-09-11T13:07:00.000-07:00

to my kingdom of unfathomed wisdom:
such diluted dormancy
i savored tasting gun metal,
from you my opiate,
we were bloodful harnesses..

what is wanting...

trying once freed me to see means;
i guess starting something special,
meant breaking it in precaution.
for in return i look at pictures of you
like my mirror..
irregardless of circumstance;
i would regress to melancholy,
be souless for a worthwhile,
uphold a transparence..
i would believe everything.
and would want more
of your whatever..

i would stab icepicks with it,
fly with tuberculosis for wings,
succumb to boredom,
and listen to TV as i never did before,
just like the moment you left
alone.
all for the divine sentiment,
you could spit in my face forever..

those weren't lies
but failsafe devices,
to kill what kills,
and to breed
what hails to a melody..
yet,
i feel so vigorous
even cathartic being scathed by fists.
liking malnourishment,
substituting cigarettes for meat.
i'd be deaf from my thoughts,
surrendering..

i knew i was somewhere being wise.
i strangle it's neck
but it is headless,
no groan.
the dread begets passion,
hearing a priest talk
that my lust for love is a brute desire.

exceptionally,
hurt from you..
i go hungry
sleep in the gutter,
i please myself of eyeless fairies,
implying i was chased by rabid dogs,
and got away with stealing oil pastels.
a lifetime a person would pay..
a threshold an athlete would push..
and music, oh so music;
even a moron would levitate with..

i swore too much to be under,
but just for our story to tell,
i awoke contented
sometime humbly fantastic,
living and ending,
i had once known
i slept next to you.

for

greetings and goodbye,
(be my bow to you so discreet)
angel, my christmas gift..
guilt as i your hope..
i see you from where you left me.
even if you will, you remain undiminished.
for this next one is for you...

for this next one is for you...

for this next one is for you...

cyan.

2006-09-02T13:26:00.000-07:00

valiums.
but then again i have a sense of reason
both also an excuse.
my mind was somewhere else too drunk,
all in place to be estranged and progressive,
all nurturing to drink more,
after reaping what i sowed
that didnt grow to be money for less of a man.

penance was none so sweeter for me,
and hence i wrote a tune listening to soilent green.
i then ask i was misplaced to proceed further,
lying down like no other,
be so vile, that density was not an option..
not even a conclusion.
where was my mind to succumb to such?,
lost and finding all over what was before
already
dwelling seemed to be wise
for cirscumstances be of less of a risk..
such it is an analogy to awake too early
from a hangover too redeeming,
as you once did begging to sleep.

what i didnt do, must i keep on persevering.
something grows like fungus and brings forth;
if i did lose in reversal
writing in this stream of forgetfulness,
it could've been something else..
that i didnt have but grasp i still will...
regrets never seemed to taste terribly.
hell, im not desperate at all..
i lack spaces that bind in between
just when i close my eyes.
dejavu pays off if you had forsight
and i had none of that,
and nothing else
but this..

no one can piss on it,
no one can ask
if i did set the meeting to adjourn.

and for tonight let it be..
just for tonight

so i can think of her face.
the color cyan.

its ours.

2006-08-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

there is always that space there
just before they get to us
that space
that fine relaxer
the breather
while say
flopping on a bed
thinking of nothing
or say
pouring a glass of water from the
spigot
while entranced by
nothing

that
gentle pure
space

it's worth

centuries of
existence

say

just to scratch your neck
while looking out the window at
a bare branch

that space
there
before they get to us
ensures
that
when they do
they won't
get it all

ever.

-charles bukowski

stress.

2006-08-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

read my mind
i am in the mood for sorrow
aching to kill frailty.
too bored
hence tired to sleep.
the crevices in the ceiling
aiming back at me;
right between the eyes.
i scratch 'till it reddens,
i forgot how beauty connotes logic.
how then this excuse of an auspex,
my fingernails rot from the liquid..
i touch the worthless turning to stone
and it reminds me of fortitude
as like shun from light so clearly blinding.

this
failing to achieve so passionately,
coincides with depicting tones of gray..
and
where have all those flowers gone?
cant help but talk about the weather,
and once i drown in a sea of aborted children,
i'll say martyrdom pays well and be savored.

i think of that cigarette-charred voice;
that will bring us together
you..
and us

returned.

2006-08-16T00:16:00.000-07:00

what can i trade for a day like today?
what can it be for time to stop,
as death is what will be
as it is not the end eventually..
will it reap me of sin?
will it reap of what others may despise
and as i ask to look in the day's face,
it breaks codes as all hope falthers to my inexistence
contemplating..
yet this distance practices me of my undesire
to fulfill
and be totally unresolved,
in grateful blessed insatiety.
gone will be as like this day
i reappear in accordance
to what i truly owe beyond debt as a killing joke,

it is life.
it is what i next awake up to in my bed..

mercy.. (my hands bestow somewhere and to whatever)
i am overwhelmed
it is what i next awake up to in my bed..

week.

2006-08-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

here on my own
awaits unreason as i am
and never as before sober
in the next couple of days;
will you like me now?
will i finally awake to sudden being?
let me begin and be cleansed
of purity

foremost
my hands were never in my face,
the beer was never better
like handcuffs to remind you
of the clock's arms too tired to begin
and yet it remembers
so far where they
to negate a night so sublime.
i could if i would really will,
reprise and be less of a man.
a distance too long to walk
and looming in its swerving turn.
yet a kiss goodbye from her,
shocked me back into coherence.

strange, so strange
am i inspired
for threshold to take toll?.
this
and only this i take with memory
as it is living beside me
they curb it,
to pass on to the left side.

though i am left with her somewhere
i can be of only this too near,
and of her black wings
mystify even to the most absolute.
i dont speak for it end,
and because
just because.
truth hurts even more
as those days went by.
still towards what i think is wise;
to stop at nothing 'till its demise.
enough to dwell back into nightmares
of knives emaciating,
and of nails burrowed from the cross
for your palms to impale with
for your own fists to clench with
needing..
wanting..

i cant think anymore,
and just maybe
i am too tired to love,
but too linear for pure abjuration,
perseverance might pay off
at least i know i can think that.
i'll paint a picture then,
to remember
what is too beautiful for words.

old.

2006-06-18T21:04:00.000-07:00

whole and lucid
uncut by serenity.

engraved and featured
by sleepless weekends,
frayed ended people,
empty chairs,
four a.m the music starts..

this time to kill
and this truth be upset,
can you possibly be
as anymore to judge
this is as good as it gets

youth be foretold
to age is to defy

afternoon.

2006-06-05T17:31:00.001-07:00

i am so sorry
apologies and forgiveness scathe;
to once was failure now clarity
all it is of what i compel to lose
to the unjust wisdom and cleverness
life had its bounds
damned it is as i am my end
i tore apart a decay so nurturing
i could look up once
and give a hundred adjectives
pertaining to the faceless reasons
that insobriety made so absolute

i have what is unholy
that is to contemplate estranged and afar
sedation
bless me whims of my beloved anonymity

excuse my partition
to scold the few undeserving
of tranquility

might i name the
solidarity where my heart beats to?
should i be less of what i bleed as a rose?
sweet sedative no..
chased to the beer never..
all encompassing to embalm me of THC..
none is far more to ostracize cunningly

gone.

2006-06-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

transcribe headaches that come
random notes to list certainty:
hangover dissolved in hiatus
and to lighten enjoyment
that once sadness dwelled
obscurity is secluding..
regardless of what they all say

it resurrects death deep inside
maybe holding back
i can rejoice the embrace of the unearthly

it is named after my birth
understand limit only in threshold

nothing is wrong at all..

one.

2006-06-05T17:23:00.000-07:00

ominous
are what seem to be the vilest
of these loud
preoccupying messages
mentally fluctuating

i failed somewhere
and yet i forgot what it was
to fulfill
satisfy an urge that unravels
beauty and metaphysical..
like dreaming only to sleep
that somewhere in silence
for the less of the aged
gangrene is medicine

once upon a time
boredom blessed me a great gift
and her sanctity so sacred of a friend
(yet inversely)
despair birthed maturation,
that calling it names as such:
"incompetence", "solitude"
or "routine"..
sweetens the height of phenomena

the changes
simulate black lights
that once upon a time
is an ending for one
not to foresee
but be spiritually abjure

i am welcomed with its warmth.

sodden.

2006-05-18T09:59:00.000-07:00

a song for the sodden loveless:
how can you tell being lost
in redeeming yourself
for as like losing your soul
that feels like no other

and there is no other..

better than reprisal
to appease my peace of mind.
twenty-seven minutes ago,
i swallowed the pain pills
of not talking to you
as it is not near you.
where should i begin?

the next drink tells tall tales:
the end is but unwaking to the sleep
i will always waver.
might there be someone or something
to lay my head in comfort
as it was in your lap?
maybe
and then some.

but you are a friend
and so much more when i needed one.
i pertain to the senselessless
of where i could
and should be.
only with thoughts
as waiting can only suffice
and silence
to scream mercilessly a tune,

and there is no other..
but a song for the solemn,
a song for the sodden.

tama.

2006-05-14T06:48:00.000-07:00

kabilang sa landas ng pagsangayon
masyado madami nayosi
kalimutan mo na ang mabilisang panggising
kasi ang alam lang natin
ay ang magtago sa sariling tulog
tapos na ang pagkakamot ng ulo
tingin sa taas ka pa
gamot mo nga naman ay ang masilaw

ulul! kailangan mo din umidlip
tawagin na kita para mangumbida ng kakantutin mo
baba ka sa akin; atin 'tong
suliranin ng laman lang..

panahon na gumising at tamaan pa.
makinig ka..
tama itong pinapakinggan mo

memory.

2006-05-14T06:42:00.000-07:00

i am unsatisfied
redeeming and destructive.

i am memory
estranged in sobreity.

i am the sweat
tasted dropped from your forehead.
i am the blood cut
from scratching your eyes.

i am a million fold
and so much more
for the cost of pathetic living.
time is mine to muster
in indefinite loneliness
and forsaken failures.

money, mileage, my love..
is what you do
as it gets somewhere to beg for it.
i am the sum
of accumulated rust spun under
this vessel

the crime of life
staring at the ceiling molds
smoking a cigarette
in between memories.

antasatanas.

2006-05-14T06:33:00.000-07:00

antas ng pakiramdam
bulok ang aapakan parang tae
maangas ba ang lihim?
saan ka man kabilang
sa lungsod na may lilim..

bagsakan ng sarili ay ang inaaral
sa pawis galing sa sugat ng ibang mas-bobo:
akin man o sayo.

city.

2006-05-14T06:19:00.000-07:00

never never will be "this way" again;
moments that laughter end.
hommunculus blooming.
tv to sleep.
intoxicated into intolerance.
an accident waiting but not happening.
elements of concepts undefined.
loveless and refined.
lost in a dogshit esquinita with patches of holes multiplying.
unproductive cathartic genuity..
it might feel like genocide
a swarm of ticks pitted against the channel 2 antenae.
oh hell, that 4-day hangover feels just fine.
next time
it wont be a tune
of garbage trucks a beloved might miss..

television.

2006-05-14T06:08:00.000-07:00

wouldnt you feel
lackey in obedience
as good as speaking to listen..
what im trying to say
in this metro of caring cockroaches is:
the sound of toilet flushes
stand in relief to the demons everyone ought to be.
the music of mufflers
let me get by to sleep another friday

everyone will leave soon no less..
but let me get another drink.
lethe weaves me a loom to be doomed
not to tell money i changed my mind with.
can i get personal by saying it pays off somewhere?

blaming the heat might be a whole worse
than what you might think.

blah..blah..blah..
i love hating
and let me bring my television
to remember alice dixon
and that angel paris hilton too.

morphine.

2006-04-24T13:39:00.000-07:00

he's the lonesome one taking it to try,
for he might mean so well if he took it.

and now he wills in less of the risk;
might this soul be in ending stories..

maybe i resurged the idea of nothing
and morphine makes it better
and so does it nonetheless..

i dont know what it means anymore
but i can hymn a tune just to explain it.

welcome to the confides of pulputating hearts

may you rest in pieces
like shards of broken glass
on a mountain you did not reach its peak.

stomach.

2006-04-13T11:05:00.000-07:00

and there she goes again..

not without a sound or sighting,
yet no worries that my hand would wave goodbye.
no cold floor to lie upon from a hangover,
and no drunk moments that transcend actuality

well, the next beer won't talk too,
or the next cigarette did make me think..
sobriety expectedly seemed like mud writing this;
without the taste of hunger,
without the solemn solitude,
in the vat of consciousness of her disgrace
and phenomena..

soon i feel it creep into lethe,
thus like no other
she will be what i cant ask for more.

(the cello whines quite the soulful impurity)
here it is in peace at the edge of my cerebrum,
it sits still satisfied and unfulfilled,
silent and sacred:
"running wild & running blind
i breathe the body deep
a thousand years beside myself,
i do not sleep.."

of whether my wants or undesire might comprehend,
blessed am i
better than null and void,
a handful and maybe better than some.
perhaps,..is it because
we all have shed a gifted pair of wings?
fate does play a linear and warm trouble

for all i might want to know
simple, plain
sheer bad luck is my sense of comfort.

..and there she goes once more again.
i made a sober choice of being drunk,
now my stomach deviates from the milk
i just drank seven minutes ago.

short.

2006-04-05T12:23:00.000-07:00

you'll never get though
to think
whats going to you
and thats ok
now you've found
god

mind is teleporting
a hyperspace fold beyond
my comprehension

hell hath no fury

i love being drunk
i love unsobriety
tommorow is not a party again
but today

will never be any other day...
its time to sleep

real.

2006-03-23T09:27:00.000-08:00

dreamless:
i whisper surreality only to such ends
like shrouds for the vilest
which hinder the weak to the wise

my worries caress time lapsing
yet it splintered my fingers,
how unfortunate..
i meant brilliant pain
that is lack of sleep;
then i realised that i didnt realise anything:
i still want her tetrahydrocanabinol touch
i love her for what she relinquishes
is real
getting so close i can get drunk
without the sip of processing turmoil
but just
her thought for me to be dreamless

she makes me high..
let me close my eyes
crawl a kilometer of broken glass
only for her to spit on my face

maybe then
waiting seems to be just as a debt
longing to be forgotten
in an afternoon sky of this sacred condemnation

fed.

2006-03-12T07:56:00.000-08:00

"'till armageddon
no shallam, no shallom"
the man in black said..
heaven has no power less of this
pallid birthing
by your very own mind and soul

i hear my heart palpitate
and these throbs allure
movement from where i will follow next;
god's love has me
taking these pills to sleep.
i feel evil and deserving,
the last drop gives me my soulmate.
lightning strikes,
supple and bright for the smoke i inhale.

i couldnt look back,
i just might see her pretty face
and smile in return..
that never was once for this moment
and never was for this,
but nothing
at all..

scorned of these visions
simulacre of religions fold:
who is meditating
surrender to the sound
coming from below,
and to be is there an unspoken:
"violence! have no fury,
who is now i need and feed upon,
i see a masquerade..it is them."
"for those who are vengeful
they are under his wing.."
how goes your TV eyes with consumption;
"what shall you do? what shall you do?"

my whim is his whim
shhh..the silence is not sudden;
and on with it
taken in wastedness
hangovers..fate
suicides..destiny
the night was with clouds of vaporous gas
an ocean so contrasted from the sunrise;
drive by with your 5:00 PM eyes..

no god..let this be hell
then i believed
this must be it..

rest.

here.

2006-03-10T11:23:00.000-08:00

drunk.
stoned.
tired.
again.
this is it man,
that cold sweat seems like your soul
is crying those tears drenched
long dried up inside..

love it all you can
here is the phenomena
just this..

you must've consumed what propels
wonders to the unfortunate
who turn away and feel far behind
undecided
all alone
and eyelids closed.
this bland turmoil, this thing of beauty
not only
does it reincarnate to the self death,
it is reassuring;

that probably hapiness
is beyond and defined
only in these succeeding moments
without control,
without body,
and with contour..

now that im writing,
its all quite untrivial
i should've thought of
something else,
oh but that beer
and damn that joint;
tapos kain tangina,
it purifies your senseless
and premature providence.

dowsing
my intimate hobby in wasting time.
let this not be often,
it is a humble blessing
from something else.

forever.

2006-03-03T12:57:00.000-08:00

how is it that life seems so submitting?
that in words that reddem
benefits only but your own self..
with thoughts that mind
only the ones with providence
as with religion who speaks volumes
in a damned sake of a blessed manifestation;
the television
i love it with vigor;

and with it i sleep
and forsee
beyong my own means to an end
and my honesty.

i see comic books and magazines
as literature;

i am broke.
my ex-girlfriend who i am trying to get back to
treats me like i am fuckin' nobody..
a potential of redemption is lost in april
because of circumstances she succumbs...
i found a timid and subtle resolution
to my undying passion for work....
guess what?!
(it took me 5 beers to do that)
my nation
and wherever it maybe lost,
finds its way towards my happiness abstract,
be glorified for the meek
who seek ignorance as an effort lackey
in her loving emrbace.

why did i come home?
when i all i see is the same as i came back first,
but my love,
wherever you maybe:

i am a man
and god help me..
just maybe
i think
i dont know what else to do
but i am doing it
whatever it is..

and yet i write
and i am unsober
i bleed and pray i am worthy,
i have marijuana by my side.
in the humble prescsence of waste
i close my eyes and think i lack of sleep,
and its dream i encounter
i have found the perfect absolute:
a drug in her arms,
in it's form so sacred it is named
a sleeping pill called stillnox

(submission here and so forth)

i take twenty
i remember it is ash wednesday,.
moments then i feel,
i remember how it is unending;
i see salvation

never it be bittersweet!

but a kiss to end all kisses...
and a goodbye to say in accordance
for a "hello!" to remember
that would last a lifetime.
my lifetime

vein.

2006-02-24T12:49:00.000-08:00

damn it.
i feel like a black sabbath song
such is insobriety
to determine what fate foretells
the digestion of future uncomprehensive
incompetent
yet dances with sacredness

but not with 2 pipeloads of her sweetness!
a couple of beers;
and hours of stress so relieved
by these done for what beats in heart,
and what matters..
abstract and not beyond my grace.

damn it.
i daydream that
i got eyebags to fill in chump change
for the next drunk to get by
without sleep like me..

still
with i forsaken with sight,
she comes along in this form:
"perseverance"
how may i dwell and miss her kiss,
that every night without her divine embrace
she overpowers my soulessness.

i am blanked
and telepathically blessed.
still
my eyes close and i go on
like never before,
and better than what was
what i will ever be..

my enclosed hands show veins
that was once not there before,
and i am blanked
to sleep without asking for more..

free.

2006-02-23T21:54:00.000-08:00

"If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
'Cause there's too many places I've got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I can't change.
But please don't take it badly,
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change."

quite amazing how a band captures
a situation or moment as parallel to
an uncanny emotion as love
for the idea of "home"; like its an experience
from a very beautiful woman gone or left by..
a metaphor that courts even writers of godly myths.
i just woke up to the damned news today,
i listened to this and i told myself...
shit, a hangover can be such an inspiration right now.

("freebird" lyrics by lynyrd skynrd; for the politics
of the philippine nation and its government)

nap.

2006-02-16T12:05:00.001-08:00

my throat hurts as i smoked a pack
leaving me half-dry and half-decomposed.

i can taste hash in my lips and remind myself
of enduring poetry describing how you are.

i think of your face
i outlasted myself not sleeping
and stumbling with contagious memories.

music comes across like salve
since then i learned to stroll
down on a pathetic dog's territory
not whimpering nor sobbing
but that adjacent like being hit by bird droppings.

i lack so much sleep
but the perseverance breathes me like muffler smoke
and the implosion
i hear it all the time
does it try to make sense?

all i hear is that its a friday weekend
and loneliness pays off for a good nap.
let me see a mirror without my image
and keep that in mind
maybe so should you

lusot.

2006-02-11T14:19:00.000-08:00

matalim at madilim
kung ang utak ay aalis,
kasama ka din.

ayon sayo o tungkol sayo
kakapit ka sa lusutan
dun sa butas ng karayong.
masaya isipin ang pagasa;
ating mapakiramdam ang kapapanawan
ng mawala
ang iyong sarili.

takbo! tanginang yan
lalakad lang kapag mabagal at merong yosi.
mahigit sa lahat
alam na may sakit
at masakit.
ganun nga naman ang magmahal
at magsaya (sana)

basta buhay ka pareho na rin yun.
ang tulog mababawi din:
then you get a headache
thinking about thinking,
and then about thinking.
about drinking and then about
thinking and then about

wasak. sinayang mo yung tama.

sa uulitin na lang.
alam mo na gagawin mo sa sunod.

back.

2006-02-10T22:19:00.000-08:00

"the decay of love,
the love of decay,
the city is her,
she is the city,
again we meet,
must we meet again"
i am blind so clearly
my sleepless eyes see more
quite possibly
too much..too many cigarettes

where are you as you grow old
will i be left tired of your clammy hands
as lifeless all it seems
restlessness; so comforting
it soothes better than what i ate

such it is to be lost not ever finding you

you lied
and lied to your chair to take a nap.
but here we both awake (a slight return)
drinking with hymns
and perceive true redemption in pestilence

hapiness so sad; sadness in hapiness
it makes you wimper
like the memory of toys in childhood

dissapearance and prescence
both are friends
orchestrated in a symphony
of sighs,
both right and wrong
regurgitating
all at the same song.

"the decay of love,
the love of decay,
the city is her,
she is the city,
again we meet,
must we meet again"
let me love her for a while
and then maybe forever..

it makes me love math thinking
the impermanence of existence
is but a void left known
only for the lost
and the ones losing control

waste (waist) = land
hate = love
human = you
hope.
my favorite hangover.

(originally written as "manila" 02/06/06; in loving memory of the victims
of the ultra colliseum stampede. this is also a tribute to the beautiful people
of #45 maningning.)

dream.

2006-02-01T06:47:00.000-08:00

there is nothing like this feeling
the need to endure control
the necessity of self release
the unselfish thought of providence
the surge of things for me to come and to come
lethe be at my side;
i am higher than
of what is to be unholy and of godhood
and i ask
where are you?
i am to lapse
and condemn time to behold

how is it the need of such can i describe?
epitome
absolution

forgive me..i might trespass
that there is nothing but waste
in this land
for i am to ruin us all

should i fall on my knees?